I just called and paid more than I have free to pay on my medical bills.  Then I called about the huge one.  The $23,000 one.  I’d spoken to my benefits advocate at work and she asked me to see if they would waive or significantly reduce the charge, as it was for an emergency service.  I was told right away, no, we do not do that.

Every time I look at this bill, or think about the dollar amount I literally get a little bit dizzy.  I have a car payment, a recent purchase (pre-attack), regular bills, a regimen of monthly meds, followup doctor visits with cardiologist and regular practitioner, and god knows what other health issues and expenses may pop up in the mean-time.  I wanted to get a place by the end of the year, and wanted to do some traveling, which I’ve been neglecting.  Even if I split the payments out to the furthest they’ll allow me I’m still adding an additional $500 a month for the next five fucking years of my life.

Say what you will about the healthcare act, or politics, etc, but I’ve always been a believer in the idea of socialized medicine.  I pay taxes and allow myself to be governed.  In exchange for that I should have safety, education, and health taken care of for me.  It’s basic needs.  Yeah, I’m alive but how the fuck can anyone justify 3 days in a room and what is essentially a minor procedure to insert the stent totaling FIFTY-TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS, and then insurance bugging out and fucking me, leaving me to pay almost 50% of it, where emergency procedures should be covered at least 80%.  Is that what the American dream is?  Capitalism at it’s finest?  Free-market success?  If so count me out.  This should be criminal…and I can’t even imagine what kind of bill I’d be looking at if I had to have had, say, open heart surgery, a bypass or something.
What then?  You live, and then spend the rest of your shortened life paying all your money to the people who run the business of saving lives, rather than spending that time with freedom and liquidity enough to enjoy it?

And I’m no moocher.  I’ve worked a ‘professional’ job since shortly after turning 18.  I make a decent wage.  I pay my taxes and have ALWAYS had insurance.  I’ve paid a lot into the system that is now fucking me.

I don’t know what to do.

I could probably sell everything of value that I own and still not even be close to a payoff, and then be unable to play music, or make movies, or take photos, etc.

My head is swimming and I can’t decide which I want to do more:  Cry, punch something, or just go to bed and stay there for a few days.  Or all three.  I don’t know.  I really just have no clue.

So I reached back out to my advocate.  I guess my fate is up to whatever magic she may or may not be able to work.